Call with the Average Software Sales Person

Sales Person (SP): Hello, Mr. Hunter?

Me: Yes?

SP: I am with (fill in the blank software company) and I have GOOD NEWS to tell you about our solution, which is the number one in the market.

Me: How do you measure that?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: How do you measure “#1”? You’re not a public company so I can’t independently verify that you sell more product than your competition. You advertise with the magazine that just gave you that big award, so that’s not very helpful. I don’t hear much about you from people I respect. So what exactly does “#1” mean?

SP: Well sir, we are the most configurable system on the market.

Me: OK, so you don’t have an answer to the “What’s #1?” question. Got it. Now, how do you know that you have the most configurable system on the market?

SP: Well, we consistently get high marks from (fill in name of pundit or publication).

Me: Do you have an economic relationship with that (person / publication)?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: You know, do you pay them money before they say nice things about you?

SP: Oh I assure you sir, integrity is very important to our company.

Me: I’ll take that as a “yes.” So let’s examine integrity for a minute. Do you pay your sales people immediately upon closing the sale, or do you stagger the commission based on measurable customer satisfaction?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: Do your sales people get rich once the contract is signed, or do they only make their money once the customer actually achieves what you told him / her they were going to achieve?

SP: What does that have to do with anything sir?

Me: Well, you mentioned “integrity.” Integrity is when one’s words and one’s actions match. Companies that pay salespeople for closing a deal as opposed to customer success tell salespeople that they should do whatever it takes to close the deal, leaving the mess for the professional services team to clean up. But if a sales person’s personal success is aligned with the customer’s success, you are more likely to practice integrity as you obviously preach it. So which is it?

SP: Sir, our sales people are the best in the business. I assure you that they are absolutely committed to your success.

Me: Uh huh. Tell me please, what percentage of your customers that have been in operation for over six months picked up a phone and called a friend to recommend your system in the last month?

SP: Um, sir, we don’t keep those statistics.

Me: OK, how about this one. What is the average tenure of your sales professionals?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: You know, how long do the sales people hang around?

SP: What does that have to do with anything?

Me: My experience has been that sales people who sell a good product want to stick around because the margins are good, and their repeat business is a high percentage of sales, which means they make club faster which means they make money easier. Good sales people leave companies that sell crappy products because their percentage of repeat business to new business is low, which means their cost of sales is higher, which means it is harder to make their number. So they sell what they can and leave. Or the company hires bad sales people who hoodwink the prospects, get the company in deep puckey, and then split before their commission gets dinged. Either way, the longer your sales people stick around, the better it is for me. So how long have they been around?

SP: Sir, if I could just direct you to the fact that there is no better system on the market to handle your recruiting / compensation / hiring / onboarding needs…

Me: What are they?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: You can’t possibly know that your system is the best fit for my needs without knowing my needs. So what are they?

SP: Sir, our research shows that everyone is trying to (lower costs / get better data / implement faster / get leading edge technology).

Me: But I don’t have any of those problems. And by telling me that those are the problems you solve, you are telling me that you sell the same piece of commoditized junk that everyone else is selling. So, can you relate any of my problems to any of the uniqie features of your solution such that I will look like a genius for picking you and my company will sell more widgets in the marketplace?

SP: No, sir, but if you would let us come in an do a presentation I am sure we could figure that out together.

Me: OK, how much?

SP: Excuse me?

Me: How much of your commission am I going to get for helping you figure out how to sell to me?

Click... brrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

 

Comments

[Shally]

Brilliant. Practically a script for how I would like to handle calls from software sales personnell.

[Amitai Givertz]

Jeff:

Reading David Maister's post "Can We Be Manipulated" on his leadership blog - and the interesting comments - I was reminded of your post here.

http://davidmaister.com/blog/295/#comments

[Amitai Givertz]

Hey, Jeff:

I guess I'm on a roll.

Nothwithstanding this may not be "an average" sales call, I found this on Colin Kingsbury's HRMDirect Blog, felt it would add to your thread:

http://www.hrmdirect.com/hrm2/blog/comments.php?y=06&m=12&entry=entry061214-192613

[David]

Well aren't you the clever one, rooting out that salespersons desire to make a buck. So you work for free I suppose? Maybe you're just to bright to understand that you have a job due to those irratating sales people. Those sales people willing to go out and put up with a lot of crap so your company can survive. If you disagree then please show me one successful company that has no sales people.

[dave]

sales people put up with very awkward customers like you, it's their job to generate business for companies and their job is as important as developing the damn software you use.

[dave]

sales people put up with very awkward customers like you, it's their job to generate business for companies and their job is as important as developing the damn software you use.

[dave]

sales people put up with very awkward customers like you, it's their job to generate business for companies and their job is as important as developing the damn software you use.

[dave]

sales people put up with very awkward customers like you, it's their job to generate business for companies and their job is as important as developing the damn software you use.

[N]

ANybody can write theoretically about anything. The guy who writes it must not have faced the actual situation. Implementing something practically is much different. DO not write such crap in future.