What Do We Want From Our Social Networks?

Social networking is reaching a natural inflection point where we should all start to examine exactly what we are getting out of it and what we really want.

We are starting to formalize and systematize what all good business people have known for the past 5,000 years: relationships are at the heart of how work gets done. When we look to formalize and systematize we are really trying to optimize. Optimization is a way to get more output for less input (“pay less, get more”). All things that become optimized are subjected to the same basic process: scoping, then defining, then naming, then atomizing (breaking into discreet parts), then analyzing and finally measurizing (I made the last one up, but it’s the point where we all become concerned about how to measure the discreet parts we just analyzed). The process has one objective: to turn the intangible into the tangible in such a way that we can improve it and communicate it.

Optimization is an important part of any business. And turning the intangible into the tangible is part of the magic of innovation and progress (i.e. taking electrons and turning them into light). We should be careful when we seek to optimize relationships, however, as their real worth is rarely something that is tangible ahead of an actual exchange of value. For instance, it might not have gone over well if I had said to my (then future) wife “When we achieve a sustainable 8 on the common love framework then we can progress to the next step of our relation, which has a 56% probability of leading to a happy marriage.” Social sciences may be taking us to that level of understanding (as was apparent in Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink), but we may be actually be diminishing our ability to create by doing so, as we require more science before we can engage in faith. We become focused on probabilities instead of possibilities, and by doing so reduce our capacity to define a new future to an analysis of risk. Some times good, some times disastrous.

There are several things that are concerning about the way we think about relationships in the world of modern social networking:

The existence of relationships is replacing the meaning of relationships. The fact that you and I have connected in some way seems to be more important than just how we have connected, or what the relationship means to each of us. Someone I meet in an elevator may appear more important in a system because they are only one degree away from me (for instance if I meet a good friend’s brother-in-law), whereas someone who works at EA but whom I have never met may appear almost totally unrelated to me. But EA is a better relationship context or object of connection than an elevator ride: we most likely share interests to a greater degree because we work for the same employer.

There is likely to be a tighter bond between me and someone at EA than between me and the individual in the elevator. But to most social networking software one relationship is the same as another. Measuring degrees of separation is only valuable in certain situations (for instance, when spreading a bounty for an employee referral). It’s inherent value in determining the potential size of my network is decreasing in efficacy over time as I start to feel more and more disconnected from my first degree contact list. Relationship by geography, educational background, previous work experience and membership or affiliation in like activities or clubs are all better at determining the relative potential value of a relationship and would all be more meaningful to me as a user of the system.

The value of relationships is decreasing. When anyone can send you a LinkedIn invitation and propose a relationship based simply on their knowledge of your existence, the relationship is necessarily without meaning or value. You have never provided me value and I have never provided you value: we have never shared anything of value, and as such we really don’t have any form of a relationship, but now you want me to help you just because I can. The fact that you sent me an email may be enough to quantify us as having a relationship, but the value of that relationship is so small as to be virtually meaningless. Since the relationship is without value and without context, it doesn’t serve me well. I then need to either decide to engage in the meaningless relationship because I hope that at some point in the future it will become meaningful, or I can let it lie fallow, another number in my electronic Rolodex. I can keeping struggling against a rising tide of opportunity, or I can play the numbers game and hope that eventually it will be more important than ego satisfaction. Both courses of action are less that satisfactory.

The opportunity for real relationships may be decreasing. I get together with several friends once a month. We laugh and eat and drink, and we also talk about how we can help each other in life and business. The meetings are fantastic, but getting to them is a pain in the rear. There are always too many conflicts on my schedule, three different reasons I can’t make. And then I remember: the return of these substantial relationships is greater than the cost of getting to the meeting. But the equation is constantly in flux: the cost is getting higher. A growing piece of that cost is maintaining my “network.”

This blog is part of my network. I believe that a network only has value to the extent that you put value into it. The constant barrage of “hey, I’ve got a pulse, let’s have drinks!” emails is also part of my network, and that part is starting to become more of a cost than a simple distraction. We must all struggle with the thought: in our need to gain more relationships are we actually decreasing our ability to have relationships at all? It may be that the opportunity for real relationships (relationships that are interesting and dependable and valuable when you need them to be) is decreasing because we spend so much time pursuing relationships that will never have any of those qualities.

All of these things are concerns. I am trying to gain richer information about the relationships I have and I want to be able to expose the objects (nature) of that relationship to others, but certainly not all. I like being able to find other people more easily, keep track of whom I have met through an easy connection mechanism and learn more about people I wish to connect with before I ever contact them. In order to help other people achieve the same ends I keep my profiles up to date and make them public.

Perhaps we want to optimize the information about our relationships, but not the relationships themselves. We may want to learn more about the possibilities of connections with other interesting people without decreasing the probabilities that we will ever get to really know them. Or maybe we just want more while paying less.

Comments

[double dubs]

I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I feel as though I have not commented on Talentism in a while, although I read every post. The deep insight you continue to provide in each and every post is incredible. Thank you.

-Dubs

[Konstantin Guericke]

Excellent post. I think discipline is key: discipline in not chasing after every relationship just because something might come from it, and discipline in tending to the relationships that are important and likely to last.

In my view, LinkedIn obviates the need to keep up with everyone as it's generally easy to reach out to everyone as long as you pick your connections well.

And I'm a big believer in face-to-face. Or phone at minimum. Email is not a good medium for creating relationships--though I find making introductions on LinkedIn is a great way to nurture relationships. When people ask me for introductions, those are great reminders for me to make sure I keep up with my primary relationships.

[Martin Snyder]

A most useful measure of relationship quality would be frequency / duration / follow-on activity of an individual's communications- a capture / analysis of the email and phone traffic between people sliced and diced can be strong indicators- thats why convereged CRM systems where database, phone, and email are unified are so powerful.

[Craig Silverman]

It is true that as your network grows it becomes increasingly more difficult to keep up with the demand generated by the needs of the network. Using tools such as LinkedIn has made it much easier to handle.

I agree with your points. New relationships are sprouting every day from social networking, many turn into new business or partnerships and others simply die on the vine.

Better to have a network to keep up with than no network at all. I am still blown away by how many people that have not gotten off the sidelines yet.

[Anthony Abernathy]

Good Perspective on Social Network

[Anonymous]

There is no software which will tell you whether you have an inner spiritual connection with someone.

A good question to ponder is WHY do you connect with a particular person?

I noticed that if you connect with people simply because you are bored and have nothing else to do then they will in fact ONLY connect with you when that same situation arises in their life. Outside of that, you will not exist to them socially.